Insightful...

I watched a really good documentary today on Netflix streaming "Forks Over Knives."   It gives a lot of insight in nutrition and environmental impact.  Makes me believe that there are sane people still left in the world.

Only a couple more days until the wedding, and I am now fearing the gluttony I will give into; as if I won't stop there; that it will continue into next week. Ah well, I will do the best I can and be honest with myself in the only place I have been so far--this blog!  Wish me luck!

Ahhhh..........

Feeling pretty good  today. I stepped on the scale this morning just for giggles and found that I am now at 194.4.
Yeah!  Then I went for a bike ride with the hubby. He put a heart rate monitor on me to see if I was stressing myself; we found that my rates were pretty good. He wrote them all down: I went 16.32 miles which actually felt a lot better than the last time.  I did it in 1 hour 19 minutes at 12.35 mph average. I had 122 beats per minute average with a max of 160 beats per minute.  And, I burned 676 calories, which goes to show you that you can't really lose weight without exercise.

New resolve = relaxation

Venting...

Now that my work weekend is done, I still feel frustrated and angry about the situations that happened. It has always been hard for me to forget or forgive very easily; actually, I hold a grudge like a bull, especially when I know I am in the right. But, the problem is that I am now on the first day of a week long vacation and this same shit keeps racing through my mind: What could I have said? would it made a difference even if what I said made sense to that particular stupid person? My coworker and really good friend said it wouldn't. She always says that person is an idiot , and  will get hers in return---just wait.  She has such patience!  

Yes, I did overeat again last night: the stuff that is on the diet plan, but nonetheless more calories than I needed.

I did go for a walk today, and will probably go for another tonight, so I can start getting back on that path of feeling good about myself.  

Ok, venting felt good.  Now I want to go to another subject:  planning or doing.

I sometimes wonder when I go on these diets, if I am simply caught up in the list making aspect rather than the carry through.  For example: I listed all my sodium, sugar, fats, etc. instead of trusting the diet plan, which has worked in the past.  I find that when I am listing things I should do and plan to do, I end up not doing them.  It is like a never ending grocery list and the store just keeps getting bigger, and more overwhelming.  Next step: start doing.  Was that a listed item?

Heavy...

I have been watching this A&E series about morbidly obese people. Although I am not to that point, I can relate to their love of food and reasons for eating it.  I have learned quite a bit from watching these stories.  For instance, I always seem to make excuses for why I can't exert myself more physically.  The trainers on this show have these people doing very strenuous routines. It is amazing how far the body, even a heavy body can be pushed, and I don't have the diabetes or high blood pressure that these people have.  It really does give me inspiration to push myself more, with no more excuses for why I can't do something.

I really think this blog thing is keeping me honest.  I believe in the past I have always been able to just shove things under the rug.  I am now holding myself accountable for every decision I make--good or bad.

So...

I went for a walk.

Had a bad day...

I had a bad night last night at work.  I was frustrated still when I got home and drank 2 beers, ate a big bowl of popcorn with butter, and cheese and crackers.  Just to add to the torture, I stepped on the scale this morning and found that I am now up to 198; so much for getting below my plateau.  I think that my confidence and self esteem play a large part in this whole weight problem I've had for so many years.  I know I am very good at what I do, but when some little disagreement comes up at work, I just start doubting myself immediately, and then I get depressed, and then I start eating to soothe those uncomfortable feelings.

Confidence: something to work on old lady!

Because, you are a good person!

Wow...

Well, I finally jumped off the plateau I was on for at least 2 weeks by 1 pound.  I currently reside at 196, and I only attribute this to the added exercise this week.  I was true to myself and actually stayed with it.  This is a must to continue.  I actually took 2 walks yesterday: One by myself, and then later on I walked to the goat farm with my daughter and grandbaby, and can she walk fast!  I told her if I walked with her on all my days off, I'd lose all my weight! Lol!

In other news, I ended up ordering a bunch of South Beach books off Amazon.  I really like this particular plan, because it seems to suit me the closes to what I can tolerate in the dieting world.  I ordered a quick and easy cook book, a more variety cook book, a holiday and party cook book, and a supercharged exercise and diet book.  My obsessiveness dictated these purchases, but I really think I will find usefulness in them.  Oh yes, I also ordered a carbs and fat book.  I think along with gluttony, I have trouble in food choices in these areas.
So, with this arsenal behind me, a new resolve in exercise, and good advice from loved ones, I should succeed in this quest--positive thinking, positive thinking, positive thinking.......

portion size...

I was talking to my son and he said that he lost weight by reducing his portion size and by always leaving a little on his plate. I have always had problems with portion size: when I was younger and had great metabolism, I would eat large amounts of food, and then burn it off.  I never worried about how much I ate, and  I always ate pretty healthy food overall, but as the years go by and you go to the resturaunt, the portion sizes slowly get bigger and bigger, and you start to incorporate those portion sizes to the ones at home.  I have been seduced by the food industry and feel a little angry about it as I go onto my next phase of dieting: limiting the amount I eat.
This has and is going to be the most difficult thing for me to do. I mean, what is a acceptable portion size anyway?  Eat slowly and quit when you are full.  Huh! What's that? I have never felt full, except after a huge Thanksgiving dinner.  I did try a little of that today, but it made me nervous, and then I had the munchies, and then I ate munchy things.  Better luck tomorrow, hopefully.

In other news, I did go for a bike ride with the hubby.  The first one this year, so that will actually be 3 days of exercise this week, so I am at least on track with that venue of my plan.  The ride was hard on my heavy body, just doing 16 miles to start. I will try to continue though, because once I get used to it, biking is very enjoyable.

Exercise...

I guess I need to reapproach the whole exercise thing now.  I haven't really been doing much of that this year, for whatever reason. Of course, I could come up with many excuses, but why try to explain things away--I simply haven't been, except for the occasional walk.  Exercise always seems to make me feel better, and if I eat right, helps me to lose weight, so with that in mind, I went for my first official walk today, and plan to continue walking at least 4 times a week to start.  If I go gung ho, I know I will fail.  I would also like to start riding bike with the hubby again--I actually miss that.

Staying on track now with my new resolve in the eating department.  My daughter brought over a couple chocolate zucchini cupcakes (yumm), but I didn't eat them.  Extra treat for the skinny hubby. lol!

Starting over...

Friday and Saturday were very difficult days for me.  Fell off the wagon, lost the horse, and had to walk home.  Saturday night I went grocery shopping with the hubby after a long morning of yard work; needless to say, I had the munchies, and then my sweet husband comes up and whisper in my ear, "I feel like being naughty."  I ended up buying reduced fat ruffles and a Kashi pizza which I ate on my last day of Phase 1.  I have been on a stand still in weight reduction all week, so a little frustration sent me over the edge. The beer was good too.

Today has been going well. Started Phase 2 with steel-cut oatmeal and strawberries--very good after all those eggs. For lunch was mediterranean salad with chicken and bulgar--that was very good also. Tonight the hubster and I are going to make a nice vegetarian soup together. He eats bread with his, lucky fellow.  Right now I don't have the crazy munchies, so that is good, and one can only feel guilty about set backs for so long, or else one just gives up and quits.

Around the horizon is exercise.  Hmmm......

Fell off the Wagon!!

Yes, I fell off the extreme dieting wagon, with only a few days left on phase 1.  I was having a bad day, feeling moody, frustrated, sad, and, of course, hungry, so I went to Walgreens with the intent to buy shampoo, body wash, and potato chips--which I did. And, I ate those potato chips, my cryptomite, and just like Superman, they didn't make me feel very good:  too salty and greasy after eating all that healthy food.  Interesting.  Needless to say, I don't feel hungry anymore, because they filled that empty spot reserved just for potato chips.  I will not step on the scale today. Why torture myself!?!

In other news, I am getting off that meat wagon also, by incorporating more vegetarian dishes as replacements for certain dishes. The only thing is that they have to include only legal fare for this diet.  There is a list in the South Beach book.  I have a few sirloin patties left, then no more beef!  I have always included a little chicken into my diet, so I will just cut down on the chicken dishes.

My first vegetarian dish will be a nice soup, with leeks, collard greens, and I am going to add edamame beans to it. This is actually a recipe in the book for Phase 1, and it can be frozen, so I don't have to spend so much time in the kitchen preparing fancy meals. Yeah!

The results...

Based on a 2000 calorie diet with 2400 mg of sodium being the cut off, I consumed 2,025mg of sodium. That was surprising, because I really thought it would be more.  What is more surprising was the sugar count with the cut off being 40g of sugar, I consumed 40g exactly.  That was 2 weight watchers raspberry ice cream bars and a chobani greek yogurt. Feeling a little more hopeful, I added up the RDA for fat with 65g being the cut off, I consumed 91g.  Oops! Where did that come from with all this South beach diet food I am eating?  I suppose it is hell of a lot less than on my regular diet that got me where I am today!  Maybe I don't want to know how much fat I used to consume. So, I have convinced myself that it is no big deal.

Sugar...

And, since I can't leave anything alone, I have investigated sugar also. It doesn't have a RDA(recommended daily allowance), but it is suggested that one doesn't go over 40g of sugar a day.  I have probably, on a regular basis, exceeded that in one bite! lol! So, as well as sodium counting, I am going to count sugar. Woo! Hoo! Doesn't this sound like fun!
By the way my daughter, the fabulous baker, made some zucchini-banana muffins with flax seeds in them, and I am eating that tonight with my coffee. Don't care if it is a refined carb.

Sodium...

Ok, so I am continuing my research on salt. I looked up the daily allowance of salt(sodium) on some websites, and have found that it is 2,400mg for a 2,000 calorie diet.  Just for fun, or curiosity, or something new to obsess about I am going to count up how much sodium I am putting into my body daily.
In the Dukan Diet book, the doc said that peri-menopausal and menopausal women have a more difficult time losing weight, because of our hormones being out of whack. We also have more of a tendency for bloating and water retention. Maybe, if I can get the salt thing under control, I will feel better. It is worth a shot.  I already take progesterone cream for the mood swing and that helps a lot.
So, tomorrow is salt obsession day!  Yeah!

salt...

Now that I looked at the sodium content in soda, I started looking at the sodium content in everything!  I bought these sugar-free jello mousse cups to get me through the dessert crazies and now find that they have 100mg of sodium where a coke zero has 70!
I remember going through this exact obsessive searching for all the bad stuff every time I am on a diet. I read all the labels in the grocery store and start to go mad with the thought that I can't have things that I think are not bad for me, but, in fact, are!  I know in my mind that the simpler and purer you keep the food the better it is for you, but after years of being controlled by substances like sugar fat, salt, and advertising, my weaknesses are starting to rear their dirty little fat heads.
I think once I get past this last week of phase 1, I will start to smooth out after a serving of real fruit, fruit and yogurt smoothies, and some grains.  Extreme dieting sucks!
My daughter-in-law gave me an alternate vegetarian diet plan. I may incorporate this into the South Beach, just to switch things up a bit and get away from all that meat.  We'll see. I haven't given up yet. I just need to work through these little crises as I go along.  Hence, why I started this blog.

Diet Soda...

While reading the Dukan Diet book, I came across a section where the good doc encouraged his readers to have a diet soda, so that the dieter wouldn't feel completely deprived, so I took this advice, against my better judgement, and started drinking diet soda.  I have never thought it was an acceptable beverage, especially when you are always hearing that it changes your body chemistry and doesn't actually replenish you of the fluids you need.  And, it has sodium in it!
So, I am through with that momentary relapse and will now continue with water, a pure and simple beverage that doesn't make me feel bloated and puffy, and unhealthy, and stupid for falling for dumb advertising from controlling conglomerates.

Finally...

Reached my first plateau.  197.8.  Now the weight loss will probably slow down to a pound or 2 a week instead of every day. I get so hungry when I lose it too fast. I can now beat myself up for having bad thoughts about pizza and potato chips, because I didn't lose any weight and those things would definitely make me gain.
1 more week on phase 1 of South Beach diet.  So looking foward to a bowl of oatmeal and a piece of fruit. It seems like mana right now. Phase 2 is much more accommodating in the food choices and variety. All still healthy fare though, mustn't forget that this is also about making better food choices and enjoying them.
Will I still slip off this dieting wagon and have those old potato chips? Yes, I probably will, because potato chips have always been my cryptomite, and I am not superman! Lol!

Thinner...

I feel like I am in that book/movie "Thinner" by Stepehen King where the guy has a curse on him that makes hims lose weight until there is nothing left to him.  I know I have a long way to go, but each day I step on the scale and it shows me that I am a pound thinner than the day before.  My plateau has to be around the corner at some point here!  This is too unnerving, so unnerving, in fact, that I want to go eat some big pizza pies to celebrate my weight loss, knowing full well that it will all go back onto my body!
Slower weight loss is frustrating, but reliable, at least to me it is.
Ok, no pizza for now, but I could go for a nice big bag of potato chips! lol!

BMI...OMG!

While reading the Dukan Diet book I came across a section where the good doc teaches about  health and wellness. He says to go online and find out what your body mass index is with 27 being the cut off and 29 being obese. I plug in my height and weight to find out that at 205 pds I am at a 31. With the recent weight loss down to 200, I am a 30! Still, and I hate to see myself this way, obese!  Isn't that the way it is though. We ignore our clothes getting tighter, ignore the scale, stop looking in the mirror as much, make excuses for why the seat belt seems to have to be stretched a little more when putting it on, blame breathlessness on humidity, and on and on.
Is this incentive? Yes, for the moment it is. So, I am replacing the heeby jeebies with more glasses of water and, I won't lie, sugar-free popscicles.

I finished reading the Dukan Diet book with some reserve as to actually trying it. While some of the information makes a lot of sense, the meat eating is abhorrent.  I am already having trouble with the meat eating I am doing now!  I think that once I reach a plateau in this diet, my frustration will drive me to that extreme.  In the meantime, I am losing weight too fast right now. Each day I step on the scale it is a pound lighter. This is alarming, because when it doe s start to inevitably slow down will go into panic phase. I am not ready for that!  I figure if I can stick to this diet until the wedding, and really enjoy a good fattening meal and lots of alchohol at the reception, I will be doing pretty good to start all over afterwards. Wishful thinking? Eh, probably, but this food addict will have her dessert before plunging back into reserve and food mind control.

Meltdown...

I am seriously going through a dieting meltdown right now,after losing 5 pounds within 5 days(probably just water), and feeling the heeby jeebies from eating no fruit or bread. I always lose weight in my back first. I know this by the way my bra fits. That part is a nice feeling, but the nervousness that follows is no fun at all.  I looked at the recipes for this weekend and just freaked out, because I work this weekend and the recipes are way to fancy to prepare.I Know I kind of just jumped into this right off the juicing wagon, so I didn't really prepare myself as in simplifying these recipes for more normal people with things that normal people like to do--not being in the kitchen most of the day!!  I did eventually work it out though. My plan is to look a head, modify the recipes, then make up the majority of the recipes for the day in the morning.  I can't wait for the second phase, so I can just eat a bowl of oatmeal--getting so tired of eggs. Eggs! Every single day! OK feel better now!

Feeling a little nervous...

My book "The Dukan Diet" showed up in the mail yesterday, but the night before I was talking to one of my coworkers about her failed attempt on this diet.  She said she got so bored of the restricted regiment of meat and every other day meat and veg, she just stopped it altogether.  I have started reading said book and was quite alarmed within the first few pages about his discussion of pure protein mostly in the form of meat.  While on the South Beach Diet, I have been increasing my meat eating, which is difficult for a semi-vegetarian like myself, so the thought of just eating meat for 7 days to start in the Attack Phase has me a bit overwhelmed. I did continue to read the introduction of this book, and I do, at the same time, kind of understand the physiological reasoning behind this approach, but wonder if like my coworker, I will become dissatisfied with the choices presented.
In the meantime, I continue on the South Beach diet with some modicum of success, 4 pounds to be exact, but who hasn't lost 4-5 pounds in the beginning of diets before. If I were to lose 10 pounds, I would start feeling a little more hopeful. I feel like some kind of dieting expert, because I have been on sooo many of them. Simple self control? Forget about it, some people need to be bossed around a bit. On that note, I will continue to read Dr. Dukan's book with an open mind.

Waiting...

I am still waiting for the Dukan Diet book I ordered on a whim last week. I keep looking out on the front porch for my cure to obesity to show up all wrapped in celephane and ready for me to read with great anticipation--like a really good Stephen King novel.  In the meantime, I continue on my "mock" South Beach diet.  I think when I did this diet 5 years ago, I ended up just cutting out most of the carbs, and not making all the fancy dishes which can be very time-consuming and annoying for a food addict to go through. The more time spent with the food, the more obsessing happens. I have hunger pangs, if you want to call them that, on and off, but have been sticking to the legal fare of celery, lowfat cheese, walnuts, and don't forget those sugar-free fudgesicles that actually save the day. Yumm!! they are actually delicious.

Again....

So, last night after my healty "South beach" entre, I had 3 ooey gooey cookie bars, then went to the movies with my hubby and helped eat a big tub of popcorn and soda.  Felt like a failure on my first day, but have behaved on the second...so far.  My biggest obstacle right now is dressing: olive oil and different types of vinegars and lemon juice required, but a little boring on the palate of a rich, sugary dressing lover like myself.
10 pounds by the wedding please--just keep telling myself that.

The Next Morning

Well, it is the next morning after my food rant, and I am still feeling determined to continue along the same dieting path--for better or worse. I just know I am tired of being this fat and everything that goes with it. I may even stick with it for a few days. Ha! Ha!
Ok, so today went to store and bought all items for next few days on "South Beach Diet". As I have said, it has been successful in the past, just until I get my new book THE DUKAN DIET(ominous sound effect).  I was listening to the John Tesh show on the way home from work 1 night--he always gives interesting tidbits on how to improve your life in between bad 80s music and soft rock. Anyway, he found a study that implied that people who keep a food diary tend to lose more weight, so with that in mind, and being on my last rope, I have decided to do some of that here today. Will I continue it? Who knows, probably as long as the last potato chip crossed my lips. Hmmmm, potato chips, how I yearn for thee.
so, today I had scrambled eggs with zucchini, a low fat string cheese for snack, and 2 chicken tenders on a bed of romaine with a balsamic vinegarette. sugar-free jello cup for dessert. Tonight is salmon with steamed asparagus. Well, that listing of food was kind of annoying and painful. Thank goodness I don't have any set rules to my ranting about food! OH glorious food!
OK getting a little delirious, so will sign off for now.

starting out...

Ok, this is my first post on my first blog. Feeling a little shy about it now, but will muddle through. I have really started this blog as kind of a journal to get me through my umpteenth diet craze. I have recently found myself to be fat, miserable, tired, and slow. No room for singing at this juncture. So, I will tell you about my insane attempt at recent weight loss thus far. I bought a juicer thinking it to be the miracle cure I had been looking for, only to end up with a massive headache and a growling stomach before the day was even through. Needless to say, i ate everything in sight to recooperate form my supposed lack of nutrition. This diet failed or I failed it. Either way, I will continue to juice, because of the vitamins and minerals that can be obtained from just one drink. taste? Eh, it grows on you as long as you keep thinking, "mmmm, kale juice is sooo good for me!"
While I wait for my next diet book to show up "The Dukan Diet" to be explained later, I am going on a mock south beach diet to prepare myself for my next hopefully not failure in the dieting world. I have last weight on south beach in the past, but it is not a diet I was able to stick with in the long run.
Ok, that is enough for starters. I will try to figure out this blog stuff as I go along.